Something about the term 69 brings back memories of middle school health class or a group of teenagers giggling over "80085" punched into a calculator. (ICYMI, it spells boobs.) And the truth is, the position does have a rep for being awkward, if not further proof that efficiency, sometimes, is not key.
Given the fact that it’s a move where your various holes are left particularly vulnerable, it’s understandable that 69-ing can be nerve-inducing. Still, it's not a totally lost cause. "With kind communication and an open and curious attitude, you can enjoy 69," says Janet Brito, PhD, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist in Honolulu, Hawaii. "The most important thing is to communicate with your partner on how you prefer to be pleasured, and have a good time experimenting with different styles."
Need a little bit of inspiration before you dive in? Read on for 10 variations on the classic 69 position—plus, tips for making it as sexy as possible.
So, what are the basics of the 69 position?
Much like sexuality, ratatouille, and collagen sheet masks, the 69 position is a much more fluid configuration than most people think.
Typically, when people are talking about 69-ing, they are specifically referring to a sex position where one partner (usually with a penis) is on their back, while another partner (usually someone with a vulva) is laying on top of them in the opposite direct, belly down, says Rachel Wright, LMFT, New York-based licensed psychotherapist and host of The Wright Conversations podcast. “But almost any mutual oral sex position between two (or more) people can qualify as 69-ing,” she says.
That means that sometimes, 69-ing involves lying on your side or standing. It also means that sex positions where two (or more) people are stimulating each other in such a way that is designed to mimic the sensations provided by oral sex can count as 69-ing, says Wright. So, sometimes engaging in 69-ing means incorporating toys like clit suckers.
“What’s most important is to find what feels most comfortable for you and the people you are playing with,” says Wright.
How do I do this comfortably?
Physical comfort is important during any sexual act. So, if you're planning to make the 69 position part of your evening meal, so to speak, you want to make sure you’re doing it in the way that is most comfortable for you and your boo(s), says Debra Laino, an AASECT-certified sex educator and board-certified clinical sexologist and relationship therapist.
Things like height, height difference, body shape, body weight, arm strength, and joint resiliency will all play a role in which mutual oral sex position is most comfy for you, according to sexologist Carol Queen, PhD, a sexologist with sex toy company Good Vibrations.
For most people, the most comfortable version of 69-ing involves everyone lying on their sides, she says. (This position is known as the sideways 69). That’s because you won't have to worry about muscle strain or limbs landing where they shouldn't, and you can use each other's thighs as a pillow to keep neck pain to a minimum, she says. But for other pleasure-seekers, the classic 69 might work best, she says.
Staying comfortable while you lick and are licked, also means being okay with getting distracted! No doubt, it can be hard to focus on your own pleasure—not to mention your own orgasm—as you're trying to lick or suck your partner. If the distraction is seriously interfering with your game, feel free to take a break here and there and just focus on your own pleasure, says Laino. “Taking breaks while 69-ing to touch and kiss other parts of your partner’s body isn’t just okay—it will add a more heightened eroticism,” she says.
The Best 69 Sex Positions
1. The Classic 69
Ahh, the tried and true favorite. “Here, there are two people stimulating each other’s genitals with their mouths at the same time,” says Wright. “One person is positioned on their back, and the other person is positioned on top of them.”
This particular 69 variation can be enjoyed by couples of any gender, sex, and genital configuration, she says. But in a relationship where there is one penis and one vagina, it’s usually the vagina-owner who takes the top bunk.
How to do it: Have one partner lie down, flat on their back. Then have the other partner climb on top, so that you’re both facing away from one another. Your genitals should be lined up with your partner's mouth, and their genitals should be lined up with yours.
If both you and your partner have a penis and/or are strapped up, Queen recommends having the partner with the longer phallus on bottom. “Being on top during a 69 scene gives that person better range of motion, which someone may need if the phallus they are going down on is on the longer side,” she says.
2. The 96
You don't have to be a mathematician or sex educator to make an educated guess on what this mutual oral sex position is going to entail. Just as the 6 and 9 switch places in the position’s name, well, they switch places in the actual position, too!
In the classic 69, there’s an assumption that there’s one person with a vulva (who is on top), and one person with a penis (who is on the bottom). So, if that is the genital combo in your particular coupling and the penis-owner is always on bottom, consider switching it up. Variety, after all, is the spice of (your sex) life.
This iteration can help open up the bottom’s throat for deeper oral penetration (aka deep-throating), says Queen. Just make sure you and your partner are in cahoots about how much length the bottom can comfortably handle in their mouth, she suggests. “Some people can start to feel very claustrophobic when someone is on top of them and thrusting a phallus into their mouth,” she says.
Agreeing on a non-verbal safety cue, such as a double thigh tap or butt squeeze, can help keep this position feeling safe and enjoyable for all, says Queen. Alternatively, the bottom partner can simply wrap a hand (or two!) around the phallus to keep their gag reflex safe, according to Laino.
How to do it: Have the partner who is usually on top, lay on their back. Then, have the partner who is usually on the bottom straddle the bottom partner’s face, facing away from them to align their own mouth to their partner’s genitals below. The partner on top should take special care to support the share of their weight in their hands, so as not to insert too many inches into the bottom’s mouth too quickly.
3. Lifted 6
Sure, 69-ing can be a fun, time-efficient way to have your cake (orgasm) and eat it (genitals), too. But it isn’t the most accessible position in the world, according to Queen. In particular, it can be tricky for duos wherein someone has chronic neck or back pain, because the angles can get a little awkward!
For the record, you should never try to tough it out for the sake of sex, as pain is your body's way of telling you something is off. But a potential work-around for the discomforts is something you likely already have in your sex space: a pillow. “A pillow can be positioned under the bottom partner’s head or neck so that they don't have to crane their neck to make mouth-to-genital contact with their partner,” explains Queen.
How to do it: Position a pillow under the bottom partner’s head and neck. Then, have the other partner climb on top. Before you officially start sucking and bucking, give the bottom partner a chance to rearrange the pillow so that they can give cunnilingus or fellatio, crane-free.
4. Sideways 69
Struggling to make the classic position work? Are your wrists or knees getting achy and quakey as you hold yourself up? Laino suggests the sideways 69 position. The lovechild of spooning sex and classic 69, this position calls for you both to lie on your sides as you go at it.
How to do it: Have both partners lie on their sides so that you’re both mouth-to-member. Next, lift your thighs as needed for easier access. “You might put a pillow or small bolster under your neck for support, or even add a small pillow between your legs so that they stay open without effort,” suggests Queen.
5. The Sucking CD
“If two people are very different heights, the classic 69 sex position can be a challenge,” says Queen. This is particularly true if much of the height difference is a result of torso (rather than leg) length discrepancies.
But actually, the work around may be as simple as having the taller person assume the bottom position, says Laino. Then, they form their body into more of a C-like shape. This helps eliminate some of the “extra” inches, while still allowing a decent bit of skin-to-skin contact, she says.
How to do it: The taller partner should lie on their back, with a slight crook in their side so that their body is curved. The shorter partner can then climb on top, face-down. If the height difference between the two is significant, this can make the bodies look like a giant ‘D’ (with the taller partner forming the curvature of the letter, and the shorter partner making up the stem).
If this work-around doesn’t, well, work for you and your extra-tall (or small) partner, Queen suggests assuming the classic 69 sex position. “The partner who can’t reach the other’s genitals can simply use their mouth to stimulate the other’s hips, belly, chest or wherever else their mouth can reach.”
6. All Hands On Deck
Unless you’re on top and you’re using your arms to support your body weight, your hands are probably pretty darn free while you are 69. Queen recommends getting your hands in on the action, so that you can stimulate the other hot spots surrounding your partner’s nether regions (like their inner thighs, taint, hips, or bum).
You can also put your hands to use stroking your partner’s genitals when your mouth needs a breather or your saliva runs out, she says. (Though, in the case of the latter, a dollop of lubricant will work, too).
How to do it: In addition to using your mouth to stimulate your partner, get your hands in on the action. Depending on your partner’s its and bits, as well as their likes and dislikes, this might mean stroking them externally, fingering them anally, or digitally penetrating their vagina.
7. Swinging 69
ICYDK: A sex swing is a piece of sex furniture that lifts someone off the ground, so that they can be suspended during sexy time. Most commonly, sex swings are used for penetrative play, but don’t snooze on their ability to level-up your licking game.
If your swing is built to handle the weight and size of both of your bodies combined, Laino says you can both climb in and start licking. “This can help take some weight off of your knees and elbows, making it more comfortable for some people,” she says. Plus, the gentle rocking sensation can be fun!
Don’t worry: if your swing is too small, if it has a weight limit, or if one of you gets motion sickness, there are alternatives. “Having one person in the swing and another bending over them is a good alternative for those with a big height gap,” she says.
How to do it: First, check the weight limit of your sex swing. Then, double-check that the swing is properly mounted. Assuming the weight limit exceeds that of your partner and you combined *and* the swing is secure, you can get down to business.
“One partner can get in the swing and the other can stand with their feet grounded on the floor,” she says. “From here, the standing partners can bend over so that they can perform oral sex on the partner in the swing, and vice versa.”
8. Standing 69
The name of this sex position probably has you asking all sorts of questions—like, "How the eff would that work?” and “Does that mean someone would need to be upside down?" And to those, the answers are ‘carefully,’ and ‘yes.’
This higher-risk version of 69-ing requires one partner to hold the other partner up in the air, says Laino. Meanwhile, “the one being held uses their core muscles or arms to help lessen the weight," she says.
While this should only be performed by individuals who can realistically handle such physical demands, for those who can, it can be ridiculously fun.
How to do it: Have the stronger partner lean with their back against the wall. Next, have the standing partner pick their partner up, so that you are belly-to-belly. For comfort, the upside-down partner can wrap their legs around their partner’s neck and/or place their palms on the floor.
If standing 69 feels a little too acrobatic and strenuous for your personal comfort, try this alternative: “Have just one partner stand, while the other lies down on the bed,” suggests Alejandra Lucatero, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in sexual health at the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health. From here, the standing partner can bend their knees until their genitals are level with the mouth below.
The standing partner may not be able to use their mouth from this position, she says. But they get quite the view. Plus, their hands are totally free.
9. The 3-6-9
Far more than the opening line to your middle-school dance favorite ("Get Low" by Lil' Jon, duh), the 369 is also a variation on the classic 69. This position, however, can only be used if you’re adding a third into the mix (hence the 3).
“Three can make a party and that’s just extra fun, so invite a third—with consent and agreement from your partner—then give [this] threesome 69 positions a try,” says Lucatero.
How to do it: The 3-6-9 is a three-person friendly version of sideways 69. To do it, each person needs to be angled off to create a triangle shape, which will allow for both genital and/or anal stimulation, explains Laino.
Depending on the sizes of the individuals involved, your bed may be too small. Don’t hesitate to take it to the floor: Trust, you can make a comfortable den on the floor with pillows and throws alone.
10. Mutual Masturbation (Oral-Style)
Maybe you both enjoy the sensation of oral sex, but haven’t found a 69 variation you like. Maybe your mouth is sore from some dental work. Or maybe, you’re both just pooped! In these instances, rather than forging the pleasure of oral, consider masturbating next to one another, each using a sex toy designed to mimic oral sex, such as the Womanizer Premium 2.
“Using an oral sex stimulator toy while your partner does this allows you both to experience the pleasure of oral sex from your backs,” explains Lucatero. This means that nobody is putting undue pressure on their joints, or having to crane their necks awkwardly, she says. It also means you still get to experience pleasure, while hearing your partner do the same.
How to do it: Grab your favorite oral sex stimulation toy and have your partner do the same. Next, squirt a whole bunch of water-based lubricant onto your genitals and get to work. The lube will help the oral sex stimulator feel more like a mouth, than a toy, says Queen.
Now, how do you make the position even hotter?
1. Make pleasure the point.
As is the case with any sex position, it's important to remember that achieving the "Big O" isn’t the sole purpose for trying 69. And that stands even when you're aiming to make it hotter and sexier than it already is. That means that you can still have a so-called "successful" sexperience, even if you don’t make your partner climax with your mouth, you don’t climax, and/or you don’t both climax simultaneously.
“When we widen our view of what makes sex good, we widen and create new opportunities to have more fun,” says Lucatero.
2. Turn it into a sensual experience.
Rather than nose-diving into the main course, try slowing your roll and enjoying the other parts of the meal, recommends Nan Wise, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, and author of Why Good Sex Matters.
Her suggestion: Take a moment to trace your partner's spine, or the curve of their butt, instead of just going after it.
3. Switch it up.
Don't get stuck in a rut with your oral sex skills, says Laino. In this context, go-to moves are not your friend. Go slow, go fast, go in circles, go in long strokes, change up the pressure and suction—try and create a unique experience every time.
Also important? Having fun with it, Wise says: "The hottest oral sex is when the giving partner is really enjoying the sensations from it themselves."
4. Bust out a vibrator.
Performing oral sex while receiving oral sex can be distracting, says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. That’s why he recommends keeping a small vibrator handy and using that to stimulate your partner alongside your tongue—or even instead of your tongue, during particularly sensational moments.
“There are so many different vibrators out there to try, so don’t shy away from incorporating different types at different times,” says Lucatero. One time you might use a clitoral vibrator, while the next, you might opt for a wand vibrator. “You could also opt for a vibrating penis stroker or vibrating anal plug,” she says.
5. Incorporate some anal play.
On the topic of anal… “Anal play, such as anal fingering or rimming, can enhance stimulation and pleasure during 69-ing,” says Lucatero. Depending on what your partner green-lights, this could include anything from oral-anal, anal fingering, or anal stimulation with an anal-safe toy, she says. (FTR, that means the toy has a flared base.)
“Always remember to consider hygiene, and remember that whatever was inserted into the anus should not be inserted into the vagina without proper cleaning first,” she says.
6. Add lube.
Physical limitations can often become an issue when you’re engaging in an at-times tricky position like 69, Brito says. This includes aspects of 69-ing such as, well, your ability to produce enough saliva to lubricate your partner’s genitals.
If you’ve been going at it for a while, you might find yourself having a harder time keeping the area wet on your own. That’s why you should try keeping a flavored lube nearby, Brito recommends, which can keep the pleasure flowing and reduce irritating friction caused by a dry surface.
Just keep in mind that most flavored lubes should only be used externally, according to Queen. “Most flavored lubricants have extra ingredients that can be irritating to the vaginal/rectal environments,” she says. “So while using flavored lube during oral can be fun, just be sure to avoid penetration after squirting it into the mix.” Noted!
7. Wear sexy clothes with easy access.
Feeling shy about sitting on your partner’s face? One of the easiest ways to access confidence when you’re feeling a little shy ahead of an intimate encounter is to zhuzh up your outfit, says Brito.
Her suggestion: "Wear clothes that make you feel sexy and alive.” That could be anything from a lingerie getup to your silkiest, comfiest PJs.
"Also, clothing items that have easy access are fun, too," she says. So if you can find a lil’ something with an opening around your genitals for seamless 69 access, that could be a major win for upping your game. (Psst... you can check out these best plus-size lingerie brands if you need some inspo.)
Meet the experts:
Janet Brito, PhD is a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist in Honolulu, Hawaii. Debra Laino is a board-certified sexologist, AASECT-certified sex educator, and author of The Missing Link: A Fusion of Sexuality, Lifespan Development, and You. Nan Wise, PhD, is a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, and author of Why Good Sex Matters. Carol Queen, PhD, is a staff sexologist for intimacy shop Good Vibrations. Ian Kerner, PhD, is a sex therapist based in New York and the author of She Comes First. Rachel Wright, LMFT, is a New York-based licensed psychotherapist and host of The Wright Conversations podcast. Alejandra Lucatero, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in sexual health at the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health.
Caroline Shannon-Karasik is a writer and mental health advocate based in Pittsburgh, PA. In addition to Women's Health, her work has appeared in several print and online publications, including The Cut, Tonic, Narratively, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and DAME. She is currently writing a collection of essays.
Sabrina is an editorial assistant for Women’s Health. When she’s not writing, you can find her running, training in mixed martial arts, or reading.
Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a sex and wellness journalist who writes at the intersection of queerness, sexual health, and pleasure. In addition to Women’s Health, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Men’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found coaching CrossFit, reviewing pleasure products, hiking with her border collie, or recording episodes of the podcast she co-hosts called
