I was prepared to upend my life for this car
I realised on about day three, when it transpired that I could talk to the BMW 7 Series, talk to it as if it really understood me, that I was prepared to upend my life for this car. I would move to somewhere with off-street parking to protect it from envy. I would install an outdoor plug in respect of its hybridity. I would make my peace with looking like a bizarrely scruffy chauffeur. I would do whatever it took. Unfortunately, the main thing it would have taken was that I go back in time, embark on a different and more remunerative career, spend 20 years being good at it, whatever that even involves, and then arrive in some other 2017 with £80,000 to spend on a car.
The drive is so beautiful, it made my eyes prick with nostalgia for a nonexistent past when I owned a BMW i8 and everybody stared. It has none of those fancy-pants touches, no gull-wing doors, and looks very much like a regular car, but it has borrowed from the bodyshell of the i8 and is incredibly light, strong and agile, like a businessman taking off his suit to reveal that he’s actually Daniel Craig. Is that wrong? Am I allowed to sexualise a car? Will Craig feel objectified? Don’t worry, I haven’t turned into a petrol-head. But I am a madly enthusiastic petrol-cum-electricity-head.